From the Inside >> Looking Out

I have had a lot of thoughts tumbling around in my head the last week or so. Spending 10 days on retreat, it would be silly not to spend some introspective time. I'm not quite sure what the fruits will be of this time, but I feel like I've planted some seeds.

The other thing that has happened since getting home, is that I realized that we are about to face a very cash-strapped summer. My work is seasonal, and my husband is employed at the University, so neither of us will have incomes over the summer. It's not that I didn't realize this before, but now I really thought about it, and saw that there was no way we could make it without dipping into savings. I started to feel worry and fear creep in a bit. Pretty unwelcome feelings after 10 days of bliss!

Yes, we could get summer jobs, and we may in some form. But I think one of the seeds that I planted during my time in India, was to just let things be. Sit with the discomfort. When all is said and done, the time is more important to me than the money. I am trying to turn that frown upside down, and see the good that will come from this.

I am grateful that we will have 3 months with time that is all our own.
I am grateful that we have enough cash on hand to see us through (although it pains me to spend it).
I am grateful to be able to get down to basics, to pare down, and re-examine our spending habits.

I know it will be hard. But I think it will be wonderful. I am looking forward to a summer of camping, hiking, laying out under the stars, and picnics in the park. Reading, yoga, and daydreaming. Maybe even of being bored. Like the kind you had as a kid, when the summer days stretched endlessly on.

It's all so hard to imagine, as I sit here typing after a snowy (yes, we had flakes today!) morning, while getting ready to go to work. When the anxiety starts to creep back in, I want to look at the image above with the words I added, and remember to sit with the discomfort. It will pass.

shanti >> sondra


  1. Gosh Sondra I can only dream of a summer like that...

  2. What a lovely outlook on things! It sounds like a dreamy summer, one on which you might model future summers.

  3. that summer sounds amazing.

    im sitting here surrounded by snow too - it had completely gone and this past week we got over a foot of snow, feels like January again. i too am having major financial worries at the moment. kevin hasnt been working since december- he quit his job because they were completely rotten to work for. while i could have killed him for doing this to us i understand that his happiness is more important. but as you can imagine quite a financial strain. he has been selling things on ebay and making a little money here and there - but its been difficult. and sometimes its frustrating because i look at him being carefree and doing whatever he choses, while im stuck in a job i hate and under stress worrying where money will come from to pay bills and food. if only my shop would take off - even if i could make 100-200$ a week would be the influx of money that we so desperately need right now.. please send some good vibes and positive money making vibes our way - and i'll do the same for you =)


  4. abhaya_sondra3/26/13, 6:58 PM

    I am sending positive vibes and juju and lovin SO HARD for you, dear! Man, that's a double whammy with Lola and all, too. I hope everything turns around SUPER soon for you! xx

  5. abhaya_sondra3/26/13, 6:59 PM

    Hopefully! Well, in the future they'll have to be a bit more sustainable, or we'll run out of savings pretty quick, ha. But one of my dreams is to have a cabin in the woods someday, and spend many, many summer days there. :)